Mr. Stanley Goes to Washington

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My adorable cousew (cousin-nephew – a cousin who might as well be my nephew), Tim, sent me a Flat Stanley last week. I had never heard if Stanley, but it turns out, he needs to be mailed somewhere “different” and then have photos taken of himself in his new, exotic locale. So where better than the swampy quagmire known as DC? I took Stanley out last week to see the sights. Behold: his journey:

Because It’s There

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That famous quote, attributed to mountaineer George Mallory, describes the need that many people like myself have to simply go places because they haven’t been there before.

I’ve been thinking about this phrase a bit more over the past few days. I spent a quick but eventful weekend traveling up to Palmyra, New York to see Latter-day Saint (Mormon) historical sites, and then on to Niagara Falls.

A friend of mine asked me why I bothered to do this, and all so quickly. It’s for the same reason I went to Iceland for 2.5 days last September.

Because it’s there.

Also, during my Niagara jaunt, after discovering that Toronto was a mere 100 km from our location, I cajoled my travel partner into an impromptu visit to the Ontarian capital. Why? Because I’d never been there before. Duh. I had no agenda. I just wanted to see Toronto, if only as a brief car tour and dinner stop. It was worth the 200 km (120 mi) round trip.

Some locations are more noteworthy than others, obviously. You won’t really catch me pining away for a visit to Roy, UT, but I admit I want to say I’ve set foot there.

That same absurd mindset has caused me to become fascinated by places like Cudahy, CA, because on a map, it looks like a small, insignificant city wedged between other Los Angeles suburbs. In reality, it turns out to be one of the most densely populated cities in California, has a gloriously corrupt city government (easily outdone by its infamous neighbor, the City of Bell), and is named after an Irish immigrant, though today it is populated with impoverished immigrants of a different ethno-linguistic persuasion.


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There’s a McDonald’s in Sedona, AZ that doesn’t have golden, but rather – in some sort of misguided cliche southwestern marketing move – teal arches. I’ve seen it. Simply do a Google photo search for “McDonald’s teal arches” and you will find numerous pictures of others who visit this unique McDondald’s for no other reason than because it is there and it is different.

I pride myself on having driven the entire length of all 28 (feel free to double check that number) freeways in the Greater Los Angeles region. I kid you not. When I worked as a courier, I once had a drop in Burbank with the following one scheduled for West LA. I was well ahead of schedule, so I decided to drive way out of my way and take CA-14 all the way to Palmdale and back just to say I’d driven it. We’re talking a roughly 100-mile, two-hour round trip. Never hire me as your courier.


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In 2008 I got really excited to visit Point Roberts, WA. Point Roberts is an exclave of sorts. It is technically on the American mainland, but because of the way the boundary with Canada was drawn cleanly on the 49th parallel, it is not attached to the rest of the US by land. One must travel into the Vancouver area and then back into the rest of Washington state. Geopolitics are so weird! Don’t even get me started on how badly I want to visit the Northwest Angle of Minnesota and Alburgh, Vermont.

There are countless other places I could mention; some big, some small – I yearn to go to the first Del Taco in Barstow, CA. If I were an adventurous fellow, I would want to visit Nagorno-Karabakh, the disputed region of Azerbaijan; or Transnistria, a breakaway region of Moldova. I’m perhaps proudest of having visited Val d’Aran in Catalonia, Spain, which is the only part of Spain on the northern side of the Pyrenees, and its people speak Aranese, a dialect of Occitane – not Spanish, French, or Catalan.

I can’t understand why there are people who don’t have the urge to see or experience something just for the sake of doing so. There’s a big, wide world out there, full of diversity. I want to gobble up every part of it, from the classic and cliche, to the mundane and absurd. It’s there!

 

 

 

The Word “Whom” Needs a Defender

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You, Too, Can Experience This

The “30 Rock” character Liz Lemon said that, and while the incident where she says it is used to highlight her unwavering commitment to alienating minutia, she has a point. Too many of us write like crap, and not because we don’t understand the basic rules of writing. We just use the wrong words, which is an egregious sin.

This is a simple post for those of you who struggle with various facets of the English language. There is nothing wrong with you. English is a confusing, messed up language. This is a safe place. Everyone here loves you.

Let’s break down various uses and misuses of words and phrases.

  • “Anyway” – One word and synonymous with “regardless” or “nonetheless”
  • “Any way” – As opposed to “one way” or “which way”
  • “Maybe” – Just like “perhaps”
  • “May be” – As in “I may be at your house… maybe.” “May” modifies the verb “be”
  • “Your” & “You’re”
    • These two could have their own sitcom
    • “Your” is a possessive – “Your house”
    • “You’re” is a contraction of “You are.” That’s it. Do not ever write to me, “Your a jerk.” Yes, only because I roll my eyes at your illiteracy.
    • Do not confuse this with “Ur,” which is the birthplace of the prophet Abraham, as well as a jolly, tone-deaf Peruvian with whom I am acquainted.
  • “Their,” “There,” & “They’re”
    • The classics
    • “Their” is yet another possessive, but a plural third person form – “Their house is huge.” You can even pluralize it – “That huge house is theirs.”
    • “There” denotes location, as in “Proper word usage lays right there.”
    • “They’re” – back to Contractionville. “They are”
  • “To,” “Too,” & “Two”
    • “To”  - Preposition. Used to denote movement or direction. “Let’s all go to the movies”
    • “Too” – It just means “also”! Why is this so hard to use?
    • “Two” – A number between one and three. No one is that dumb.
  • “Through,” Threw,” & “Thru”
    • “Through” – Indicates travel, either figurative or literal. “I drove through Missouri and realized it sucks;” “My sister has been through a lot this year.”
    • “Threw” – Past tense of the verb “throw,” as in what one does with a ball or projectile.
    • “Thru” – This one is debated. I still don’t consider it a real word. It was basically invented by fast food restaurants for their “Drive Thru” windows. One “u” is better than “ough” in the eyes of Ronald McDonald
  • “Every day” & “Everyday”
    • OK, this one drives me crazy.
    • “Every day” is the most common, as in, “I commute to work every day.”
    • “Everyday” is an adjective – “That is an everyday occurrence.”
  • “Awhile” vs “A while”
    • “Awhile” is an adverb meaning “for a time” – “Stay awhile”
    • “A while” is a prepositional phrase with “while” being a noun
  • “Who” & “Whom”
    • This is a bit more advanced, but since I started the post referencing it, it’s only fair to discuss.
    • “Who” has to be the subject of a sentence, meaning the person or noun that performs a verb – “Who stole my Cookie Crisp?” “Who said that?”
    • “Whom” is typically what we call an indirect object, or something upon which the subject acts. Make sense? Look at the previous sentence example – “Who said that to whom?” “Who” is the subject. “That” is the direct object.” “Whom” is the indirect object, or the one who sorta receives the action. “To whom are you speaking?” A verb should never be conjugated with “whom.” “Whom drove you here” is a horrible sentence.

 

Yes, English is a pain because it is one of those rare languages where two words that are written differently and have totally unrelated meanings can sound exactly the same. If you are interested in improving more random bits of your grammar and spelling I highly recommend 1001 Pitfalls in English Grammar, a reasonably succinct text that outlines exactly what its title suggests.

Be the better person. Don’t use crappy jargon just because it’s “easier” when you are typing. Unless you are typing on a handheld device with tiny, virtual keys, is it really that difficult to use the correct word? It is one thing to struggle with overall spelling. All of us go through that. But don’t use “there” when “they’re” is correct. That just hurts my heart.

The real irony in all of this is that my formatting hasn’t been consistent throughout the post. At least I spelled the word correctly before inconsistently italicizing it!

 

That’s “European American,” Thank You Very Much

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I am a white bread cracker. You may call me what you will due to my racial composition, but please do not call me “white.” I feel like that reduces my heritage to a simple color, when my glorious mixture of Welsh, English, German, Scottish, and Norwegian is far more telling of who I am. At the very least, call me “European American.”

For decades, we Americans have exerted absurd amounts of energy in an attempt to properly label various ethnic and/or social groups in a way that is both illustrative and unoffensive. This has resulted, of course, in popular, albeit flawed, demonyms such as “African American,” or “Asian American.” Talk about painting with a big brush.

Things like this particularly amuse me because, for example, I have a friend whose mom is from Zimbabwe. The mom is white. She left Zimbabwe as a teenager when Mugabe went all postal on everyone. Still, my friend considers herself “Half African American” and has used that status to her advantage in terms of financial aid or affirmative action. I’m not faulting her for it, but I still think it’s funny. By the same token, I consider myself a quarter Mexican because my grandma, who is ethnically German, was born and raised in Mexico – though with a very Anglo lifestyle (everyone spoke English) – and wasn’t even a US citizen until the 70s.

Now I’m not writing to rail on proper etiquette or political sensitivity. I’m all for doing away with old prejudices and pressing forward in a more accepting, open-minded way. However, if we are going to label black people in America “African Americans,” I think there is a bit of a double standard in not labeling everyone else in a similar fashion. There’s also a debate as to whether “black” is back en vogue because “African American” served its initial purpose: to let society get past any possible pejoratives associated with “black.” Oh, our silly, racist America.

So let’s figure out the politically correct way to address everyone, shall we?

  • White – “European American”
    • Subgroups
      • “Slavic American”
      • “Germanic American”
      • “World Colonizer American”
      • “Anglo American”
      • “Arbitrarily-Draw-Up-Boundaries-For-Countries-That-in-No-Way-Reflect-Ethno-Linguistic-Realities American”
      • “Magyar American”
      • “Romance American”
      • “Hispano American” (not to be confused with “Latin American”)
  • Arab – “Middle Eastern North African American” or “MENA American”
    • Subgroups
      • “Levantine American”
      • “Lebanese-Christian-Who-Fled-During-the-Civil-War American”
      • “Berber American”
      • “Grouped-In-With-Arabs-Even-Though-I’m-Persian American”
      • “Grouped-In-With-Arabs-Even-Though-I’m-Turkish American”
      • “Hey-Remember-the-Kurds? American”
  • Black – “African American”
    • Subgroups
      • “Sub-Saharan American”
      • “Horn of Africa American”
      • “It’s-Really-Racist-to-Group-All-of-Africa-Together American”
      • “Hey-Remember-the-White-Folks-in-Southern-Africa? American”
  • Asian – “Asian American”
    • Subgroups
      • “Ring of Fire American”
      • “Hey-Yemen-is-in-Asia-WTF? American”
      • “Indian American”
      • “-stan American”
      • “Malaysian-But-Ethnically-Chinese American”
  • Polynesian – “Pacific Islander American”
    • Subgroups
      • “Hawaiian”
  • Mexicans – “Latin American”
    • Subgroups
      • “Can-You-Call-Belizans-’Latin-American’-When-They-Speak-English? American”
      • “European American”
      • “Amerindian American”
      • “Mestizo American”
      • “Aren’t-the-Residents-of-French-Guiana-Actually-Citizens-of-France? American”
  • Native Americans – “Americans”

 

Have I missed anyone?

Shades of Gray – 9/11 and Generation Y

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Jon Stewart said that he could no longer see the Twin Towers from his house, but he could now see the Statue of Liberty

In contemplating the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I think back on the naïve young man I was at the time. Barely twenty, with a propensity for viewing things as black or white, I was angered and hurt by the events of September 11th. What did I, an innocent suburban kid from Southern California, ever do to warrant this sort of attack? Were Muslims supposed to be my enemy? The ten years since 9/11 have given me perspective. An increasingly globalized society has caused me to realize that the world is far more nuanced than we used to let ourselves think, and that Millennials are more likely to be inclusive than exclusive, particularly with regard to Islam and foreign policy.

Growing up a Millennial, race or religion just wasn’t the same issue it was for my parents. I had Muslim friends and didn’t think twice about their social mores or differences with me until after 9/11. The great irony of that fateful day is that while Americans felt a greater sense of unity in its aftermath, many of us, for the first time, became aware of the “us vs. them” mentality toward the Muslim community. It was sort of like telling the boy not to touch a hot stove when the kid had never had never even thought of doing so in the first place. Guess what that little boy inevitably wound up doing?

Millennials do not generally approach racial and religious tensions in such a simplistic manner; that most Muslims are terrorist sympathizers, weird, inaccessible, or refuse to assimilate. Millennials work among shades of gray. A Pew study observing ten years since 9/11 demonstrates that Millennials form the only majority age group that thinks U.S. wrongdoing might have caused 9/11. Also, only 24% of those 18-29 are concerned about the rise of Islamic extremism in the U.S., and 37% – easily the plurality among all age groups – are bothered that Muslims are singled out for surveillance.

Data from another recent Pew study indicates that in most of the non-Muslim/Western world, large percentages believes that Muslim immigrants do not wish to assimilate with their new country. The U.S. is one of the lowest among these nations, though the numbers are still high.

However, within the United States this number drops to 42% among those with a college degree. Does obtaining a higher education correlate with either a greater understanding or acceptance of Islamic culture? It seems safe to say that it does.

On the flipside, the study indicates that 56% of Muslims say they wish to adopt American customs and life. Two-thirds argue that the quality of life for Muslims in the U.S. is better than in most Muslim countries. Most comparisons between all Americans and Muslim Americans show a parity in terms of television watched, regularity of attending worship services, sports events attended, or even video games played. We are far more similar than we are different.

These studies are encouraging. Every new social group faces a difficult period of integration. Like the Mormons, Irish, Italians, or Jews before them, Muslims are currently experiencing a similar transition. I wrote an article in 2009 about some of the stages involved in any social group slowly integrating into American society. Doing so is certainly more complex now than it was in times past, notably because of ubiquitous technology and communications mediums that do not force social groups to adopt English or romantic American values in order to survive in this new land. In the end, everything comes down to the willingness of the dominant group to include the minority one. As a Mormon, I definitely understand these struggles.

Our greatest hope lay with Generation Y, for it is through our broader view of the world and ease with not letting race or creed dictate our relationships with others that we are poised to make a positive impact and overcome the prejudices of previous generations.

As the next generation of leaders rises to the occasion, we will see attitudes change regarding Islam and foreign policy. For many Millennials, 9/11 was the start of the first real conflict they remember, and in an ever-globalizing and networked world, the hope for greater communication and cooperation can only grow.

The naïve young man has long since left me. In its place is someone who sees many harsh realities, but believes that through understanding, the future is bright.

This Could Get Hairy – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

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It’s over. After a decade of films and fourteen years since the first novel was published, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 finishes the series with aplomb. I’m currently in a tizzy over how impressive this movie is. I’m not the only reviewer to say so, but this is definitely the best of all Potter films in terms of acting, drama, suspense, cinematography, and all other technical reasons. I’m floored.

Since I’m writing this a few hours after its midnight release, I won’t offer too many spoilers. I know that 90% of those seeing Harry Potter films have probably read the books, but for the few of you for whom this all remains a mystery, I’ll do my best not to divulge too many secrets.

We begin very much where we left off. Voldy shoots into the sky with the Elder Wand and Harry is stooped over Dobby’s grave. This is great, because at some point for home media the two films could probably be stitched together as one, much like my dream project of turning the Back to the Future trilogy into one five and a half-hour film.

After some dramatic exposition with the Goblin they saved at Malfoy Manor, as well as some wand jivin’ with Ollivander, Harry and Co. decide to head off to Gringotts bank because they figure another Horcrux is there. It’s not really explained how or why they know this. They just kinda do.

The scene at Gringotts is great. Treasure multiplies on its own accord. Goblins are jerks. And the CGI dragon is quite impressive in terms of realism. We finish with the dragon escaping and flying over London, our heroes on its back.

The bulk of the film takes place at Hogwarts. Harry is welcomed like a conquering hero by the many students taking refuge in the Room of Requirement from movies past. Hogwarts has become a pretty grim place, with Snape as headmaster and Death Eaters enforcing discipline (eat your heart out, Umbridge).

Harry confronts Snape, who flees after a duel with McGonagall. Voldemort finally realizes the gang are destroying Horcruxes and threatens the school to either present Harry or be destroyed. What follows is, simply put, war. This is a war movie. The eerie atmosphere provided here greatly increases the tension. I loved seeing the handful of British acting nobility working their walk-ons to the max, casting enchantments around the school until Voldemort’s legions bombard it.

So not to spoil too much more, but lots of fighting ensues. Chaos abounds. Many characters, both good and bad, die. My only complaint is that we don’t get to see much of the supporting cast actually fighting people. We just see them dead when it’s over.

Harry knows that other Horcruxes are within Hogwarts. Hermione and Ron split up with him to take care of some on their own. Malfoy shows up to raise some hell.

Eventually, we get to Snape again. What follows is the most moving sequence in the entire franchise. No spoilers, but while some of Snape’s memories could have been fleshed out a bit more, they more than painted the picture of things past and present. Also, Harry’s interaction with him is more moving in the film than in the book, so says I.

Alan Rickman basically deserves and Oscar nomination for his work here. He’s been great as Snape thus far – probably the best acting in the entire series – but with Deathly Hallows Part 2 it goes to a whole other level.  Masterful stuff here, full of nuance and self-loathing.

More fighting. More revelations. Will good triumph over evil? I think it’s safe to say it will. This isn’t some sort of tragedy.  What makes this movie work best is how well the characters are fleshed out.

The Malfoys seem fed up with all of this nonsense. Watching them slowly shift from ardent supporters to beleaguered defectors is pleasing. They don’t get tons of screen time, but it’s powerful.

Neville finally gets his own. In the absence of the Trio, he’s become the de facto leader of Dumbledore’s Army at Hogwarts. But this begs the question, has Neville really been that incompetent, or have Harry’s, Ron’s, and Hermione’s constant need to be at the center of things merely impeded him from actually growing? I choose to blame the trio for Neville’s previous problems. Bad children!

I want to give extra recognition to Daniel Radcliffe. He owns the film. It’s funny, because Parts 1 & 2 were film simultaneously, yet the acting on his part in Part 2 is substantially better than that of the previous installment. There are some truly spellbinding moments with Radcliffe finally letting loose with his part – the way he fights, the way he yells at and threatens Snape, how he comes to cope with the true understanding of sacrifice. Harry has grown into a man who is willing to put the greater cause above his own.

This is one of the best films I’ve seen in a long time. It is the definition of a great summer blockbuster, but it is one that has left a deep impression upon me. It’s not just an action movie. It is a film about loyalty, love, and selfless sacrifice in the wake of futility. The whole thing plays out as if the filmmakers have been bottling up their true artistic expressions and have finally been able to let it all out.

Even if you are not a Potter fan (which begs the question as to why you have read any of the This Could Get Hairy series), Deathly Hallows Part 2 has pretty broad appeal given its scale and broad themes.  If you know anyone on the fence about it, I surely recommend it, even if some previous Potter knowledge is helpful. But what I like the most here is that it is emotion that drives the film, not an understanding of the underlying Potter mythos.

And for the fans, yes, Molly Weasley gets her line near the end.

I only hope that the Harry Potter series finally gets some Oscar love outside of the technical categories. I don’t know that David Yates deserves a Best Director nod, but Rickman and possibly even Ralph Fiennes are surely deserving in the Best Supporting Actor category. The Academy has changed the nominations for Best Picture once again, this time not for sure nominating ten films, but anywhere between five and ten, depending on how many cross a certain percentage threshold in voting. Let’s hope Deathly Hallows Part 2 is a part of that pack. I can’t say I would have nominated any previous Potter films for that honor, but this one is more than deserving.

Thanks to those of you who have followed me on my journey to find True Mormon Love visit the Potter world. In closing, I will rank my favorite films from most- to least-favorite, and the list has definitely changed due to this journey.

  1. Deathly Hallows Part 2
  2. Half-Blood Prince
  3. Deathly Hallows Part 1
  4. Prisoner of Azkaban
  5. Goblet of Fire
  6. Chamber of Secrets
  7. Order of the Phoenix
  8. Sorcerer’s Stone

This Could Get Hairy – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

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Welcome to This Could Get Hairy, where each week I will review one of the seven Harry Potter movies released thus far in anticipation of the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 this July. I’ve seen all of the Potter films before, but revisiting them in order, with having not watched some of them in quite some time, should be interesting. Share your comments and thoughts as we prepare to bid farewell – assuming Warner Bros. doesn’t foolishly attempt to “reboot” the franchise in five years – to Harry and his friends for good.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

Release Date: Nov. 19, 2010

Director: David Yates

Writer: Steve Kloves

Runtime: 2 hrs 30 mins

Gross: $295,001,070(domestic); $660,000,000 (foreign); $955,001,070 (total)

 

 

 

The beginning of the end. Warner Bros. decided to split Deathly Hallows into two films. As a fan of the books, I saw this as a chance for the whole book to really get a chance to play out on screen. Cynics called it a cash grab by the studio in an effort to keep its lucrative franchise going for one more film (makes sense. who wouldn’t want an extra billion dollars?). I’ve actually been surprised by some of the negative reactions to Deathly Hallows Part 1. I think this is a masterful film and is perhaps only bested by the film preceding it, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I will admit, however, that it can’t help but feel incomplete. But what else do you expect from a film that just stops in the middle of a book?

If any film should be criticized as a setup or early chapter in a longer story, it would be Half-Blood Prince, which really just feeds straight into Deathly Hallows. The final three films in the saga might as well be their own trilogy.

This film benefits a ton from giving the original text some room to breathe. It doesn’t feel chopped or stunted, though it still has its share of cuts. It plays out quite organically.

We begin with a surprisingly moving scene in which Hermione wipes the memories of her parents, for their protection and hers. This was added from the book, and it gives us a sense of sacrifice for things to come.

Snape wanders up to Malfoy Manor, Voldemort’s new compound. The Malfoys look spectacularly disheveled and enslaved, basically. You can tell they don’t want Voldemort in their home.

After some light discussion and the murder of a Hogwarts teacher, all while Snape looks on, Voldemort blabbers about how he and Harry’s wands can’t be used to kill each other because they share a core. Voldy will, therefore, need another wand, so he takes Malfoys.

Now back at Privet Drive for one last hurrah. The Dursleys are only seen briefly. We don’t get much understanding of Petunia (sadly), or dialogue in any way (you know, the whole “the Dursleys need to leave because Voldemore will kill them” thing). In a deleted scene, Dudley actually walks up to Harry and tells him he doesn’t find him to be a waste of space. This was a nice redemption for Dudley in the book, but David Yates felt that it took the focus off of Harry Standing there and being silent. *cough*

Harry also sets Hedwig free, knowing he can’t take her on his journey. I was a bit let down at first because, you see, Hedwig is the first casualty in Deathly Hallows. I suppose Heydey Films couldn’t stand to off her. And I like death.

The Order of the Phoenix and Harry’s pals show up at Privet Drive. What follows is a pretty comical scene in which other wizards and wizardettes transform into Harry via Polyjuice Potion. Daniel Radcliffe must have had a ball learning how to act like the other actors. It’s a great scene.

The team set off into the night. See, the book explains that it is Harry’s birthday, and since he is now a legal adult int he wizarding world, the love/familial protection/enchantment that kept him safe with the Dursleys has expired. The seven Harrys are to serve as decoys on the journey to the Burrow.

A great battle ensues in the air above London. The real Harry rocks it sidecar style with Hagrid on Sirius’ old motorcycle. Death Eaters are chasing everyone. Then Hedwig suddenly appears. A Death Eater pursuing Harry and Hagrid zaps her with some Avada Kedavra. Goodbye, Hedwig. My death count is still intact.

Eventually, Voldemort appears and he and Harry lock wands again (I thought that could only happen in the past because the wands shared a core? How does this happen with Malfoy’s?). Harry escapes the scenario and ditches Tom Riddle. Not to make unfair comparisons to the book, but in the book the Death Eaters figure out which Harry is the real Harry because Harry is out casting namby-pamby Expelliarums and Stupefy spells while Death Eaters are trying to actually maim and kill everyone. The DEs have picked up on Harry’s lack of cojones and spot him, accordingly. Be a freaking MAN, Potter.

Alright, we get to the Burrow. Everyone but Mad-Eye arrive. Apparently Mad-Eye was killed in the battle, as in the book. Death count intact.

Bill Nighy shows up as the Minister of Magic (it’s never explained that the previous one was ousted following Order of the Phoenix) and gives Harry, Hermione and Ron three items from Dumbledore’s will: the first snitch Harry ever caught, a book about Beatle the Bard, and a deluminator, respectively.

Bill Weasley is marrying the hot French chick from the fourth film, so we get some wedding action. Harry hears about Dumbledore actually being some kind of creep from a freaky old woman, while a man who must have invented the multi-shirt popped collar defends Dumbledore.

Death Eaters crash the wedding and Harry, Ron, and Hermione disapparate and pop up in London. And now, we begin the great, solitary journey. As a sidenote, I love that the kids have apparently mastered hordes of new spells, even in silence, since the last movie. So, what, outside of school and in a month-long lag between books they’ve suddenly gained five years’-worth experience?

The kids are alone. They fight some Death Eaters in a diner and make their way to ol’ Grimmauld Place from the fifth film. Kreacher the house elf is still there. At the end of the sixth film we learn that the locket that Harry and Dumbledore acquired in the cave was a replacement, and that the real one was elsewhere. Harry realizes the locket was likely taken by Sirius’ brother and asks Kreacher where it was. Kreacher tells them Mundungus Fletcher, a sort of pimp version of Bob Hoskins, took it when he cleaned out the house.

We come to learn that good ol’ Dolores Umbridge has the locket. The trio stalk some Ministry workers, drug them, and use Polyjuice potion to assume their identities. They then go to the ministry to find the locket. We get some comedy here in the vein of having to be flushed down a toilet to enter the Ministry, Ron becoming a method actor with his new identity, and Harry hopping around with the weirdest gait I’ve ever seen.

The Ministry has fallen since the wedding and is now some sort of fascist front. I’m not sure whether I love or cringe at the countless gestapo and fascism allusions throughout the place. Basically, the Ministry is conducting a few Inquisition, stripping half-bloods of power.

We find Umbridge here. She’s wearing the locket. Harry, of course, Stupefys her, jacks the locket, and the kids get on their way after fighting off some Dementors and a creepy Scottish dude. This, of course, begs the question as to why they didn’t just set the whole place ablaze, knock out everyone in their path, and carry on their way, because now that the Scottish guy followed them as they apparated, they cannot return to Grimmault place. Time for the road.

A lot of people hate this part of the movie. I admit it drags a bit. At least it’s broken up by the Godric’s Hollow sequence.

Ron was injured in the apparation out of the Ministry and spends the bulk of his time thinking that Harry and Hermione are having an affair. We get some pretty comedic moments from Rupert Grint (“Yeah, I’m still here!”), before Ron tells Harry that this fight isn’t just about him, that he has no family, and that he’s wasting his time. Goodbye, Ron.

Harry and Hermione travel to Godric’s Hollow, home of Harry’s parents, and as it turns out, Dumbledore and Godric Gryffindor. Also resident in the Hollow is Bathilda Bagshot, an historian who might have some answers for the lost duo.

After a touching moment with Harry finding his parents’ graves and his demolished childhood home, the kids run into Bathilda. She is scary as hell.

She’s also alarmingly quiet. Only when she has Harry alone does she start blabbering in Parseltongue and then – holy geez! – her body crumples and Nagini, that freaking snake, comes out. She’s been in there the whole time! Bathilda is dead and loving it. Harry and Hermione escape. Something I wish would have been included from the book in this sequence is that because Harry has regular visions of whatever Voldemort is actually doing, he realizes that Nagini has called her master when she meets Harry in Bathilda form. In the book, Harry actually sees Voldemort making his way into Godric’s Hollow and even up the stairs of Bathilda’s house before he and Hermione jet. It’s really tense and would have played well in the movie.

Back to the outback. Scotland is lovely in winter.

A random Patronus just shows up one night. Harry should know better by now than to follow anonymous magical objects (somebody never listened to “The Safety Kids” growing up), but he does, anyway. And what does he find?? BAM! Sword of Gryffindor underneath some ice! Harry decides to go in and get it, all while wearing the real Horcrux necklace (smart move, dude. You didn’t think to take it off before diving in?), which chokes him and tries to drown him.

Ron shows up and saves the day! Harry opens the Horcrux and then we get this wild sequence of the Horcrux trying to talk down to Ron, replete with images of Harry and Hermione not just trash talking Ron (Harry: “Your mother told me she would have preferred me as a son.” HA! Hermione: “Why I choose YOU over The Chosen One?” Smart girl), but Harry and Hermione topless and making out! So strong! Many parents hated this part. I don’t think it’s that offensive. Also, why are you taking your kids to see Deathly Hallows? Have we not picked up on the darker tones of the series by this point?

Horcrux is gone. The children decide to visit Luna Lovegood’s father, Xenophilius, who is insane and Welsh, just like the actor who plays him, Rhys Ifans.

Al the while, you see, Hermione has been putting some stuff together in her wee head, and realized that she’s seen the same symbol in the book she was given by Dumbledore, as well as on a necklace Xenophilius wears. The chil’en pay him a visit and we get a spectacularly animated story showing the history of the Death Hallows, which were three objects given to three brothers as a reward for vanquishing Death: a wand more powerful than any other – the Elder Wand, the Resurrection Stone, and an invisibility cloak. Hmmm, and invisibility cloak, you say…?

Now it all makes sense. Voldemore hates death and he’s clearly after these artifacts, namely the wand.

Turns out Luna has been kidnapped by Death Eaters and Xeno is trying to capture Harry and Co. to negotiate a prisoner swap. The trio escape, but are eventually captured by some Victorian-era-meets-Blade-Runner sort of mercenaries, and taken back to Malfoy Manor. Hermione is tortured by Bellatrix. Harry has been carrying around a shard of mirror in his sock (with zero explanation before this film. He just has it). He repeatedly sees who appears to be Dumbledore in the frame of the mirror shard. He asks whoever is in the mirror to help them. In just a moment, Dobby appears! Ah, Dobby!

Dobby has been in the books intermittently up to this point, but film-wise, he’s only in Chamber of Secrets. I’m glad the filmmakers left him in here.

The silly house elf escapes with Luna, a goblin, and Ollivander, the wandmaker. He then returns to help Harry and Ron get the rest out of there.

Wormtail is in the house. Dobby stuns him as he opens the cage to the dungeon. With him knocked out, Harry and Ron head upstairs to raise some hell. But Wormtail is not dead. His silver hand is supposed to kill him for allowing Harry to live! Man! Death count ruined! Maybe they’ll fix this in Part 2….

I love watching Dobby trash his previous masters’ place. He blows away Lucius a few times, disarms Narcissa, and Harry physically takes Draco’s wands. All is well! The gang disapparate, but not before a spinning dagger, thrown by Bellatrix, enters the apparation (?) stuff. I kinda hate this part. It’s overdone. Slow-mo dagger? Very obvious self-eulogizing by Dobby? I know what is coming next, so it makes it a bit heavy-handed.

The kids are on the beach. Everyone is safe!

Except Dobby. He took the knife. He dies in Harry’s arms. This is, perhaps, the most innocent death in the Potter series (well, besides Hedwig, but she can’t talk), and it’s heartbreaking to watch Dobby die while Harry moans and asks for someone to do something. I know that Harry Potter himself is a bit of a Christ figure, but Dobby really drives home the idea of selfless sacrifice right here.

And now we get an awkward shot of Voldemort creeping into Dumbledore’s tomb and stealing his wand…. the Elder Wand!

BOOM. Done.

That was an excessively long explanation. Can you imagine trying to do that all in one movie? We still have over a third of the book left!

I love Deathly Hallows. It is paced well. It covers a ton of territory. It is pretty faithful to the book, but not in a lame Chris Columbus sort of way. Sure, some of the extra book stuff might have been nice (the aforementioned wussiness espoused by Harry, some extra use of Polyjuice potion – but that would have left us with long stretches without actually seeing Daniel Radcliffe, a greater sense that the entire wizarding world is being persecuted, etc), but overall, Yates hits his stride with this film.

It is unbelievably dark, both in tone and the color palette. Seriously, try watching it on half of a computer screen in a normally-lit room. There are portions when you can barely see anything because the color palette is so grey!

Deathly Hallows suffers the most from not feeling complete, but since that is sort of the nature of the beast, I can’t hate on it too much for that. I don’t mind the extended stuff in the wilderness as the kids mope around, unsure of what to do. It is refreshing to have a Potter film that doesn’t just blast at a breakneck pace at the sacrifice of nuance. I suppose, though, given the overall slower nature of the Half-Blood Prince film, fans might have been a bit put off by an hour’s romp in the wilderness.

This is a very worthy entry in the Potter canon. I look forward to watching Parts 1&2 in order to really see how they play together.

I can’t wait for Part 2! I’ll post a review of it tomorrow, after seeing it tonight. For now, I hope you’ve enjoyed all seven reviews thus far.

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